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On death and crying

Death occurs with or without warning. It is something most people avoid to discuss yet it’s the one thing that’s sure to come. I don’t know why but most people are scared to die. I am personally not scared of dying. I am, however, scared of the dead. Thanks to the horror movies I’ve watched when I was young.  I learned about death at a young age when my paternal grandfather died. I remember seeing him lying on his bed. I wondered why everyone cried. I was told because he’s not coming back. I still didn’t understand.

I was in college when my maternal grandmother passed away. This time I thought I had a better understanding of death. I know why she is not coming back and I’d really want her not to come back and stay where she was or I will surely freak out. Yes, I still didn’t cry.

Three months after that, my youngest sister died. She was ten years old. She drowned. I cried this time and secretly wished for her to come back one day and be with us again. I missed her. Even today when I think and talk about her I still cry.

My mother in-law passed away a few days ago after more than a year of dealing with colon cancer. It was an ugly battle. But looking at how peaceful her face was the day she left us, I think it was she who won. Don’t we all feel relieved when sufferings end? Yet we still cry.

Mom

My own mother once told me that we do not always have to remember the sister we have lost. Just don’t forget her. True, for death only ends a life, not the relationship.

Rest in peace, Mommy Barbara.

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